I received an order the other day, and with it was one of the most...unique...letters I've ever received. Since it's the holidays, I'll share.

"Dear Satan,

After being kicked out of a Roman Catholic seminary @ the tender age of 20 in 1962 for being HONEST about being QUEER, I got heavily into S&M due to sexual guilt feelings. I also developed a strong hatred for all the phony gods dreamed up by [undecipherable word].

COCK IS THE ONLY GOD IN THE UNIVERSE! DICK WORSHIP = ETERNAL LUST AND LIFE! Beating off, cocksucking, buttfucking, rimming, etc. are SACRAMENTS!

Living in a senior citizen building without owning a motor vehicle or being on the internet makes it impossible for me to find live sex partners (except for the occasional twink from a high school nearby).

I get masturbation fantasies from Torso, Honcho and Playguy and from dvds like THE SEVEN DEADLY SINS and SINS OF THE FATHER. I am deeply into SIN and destined for the Ultimate ORGY in HELL. I'll see you there.

Sincerely,
W.A.A."

See me in Hell? Awfully presumptuous of Mr. A., but I can't help wondering what you stuff in the stocking of a guy like that.

JBK

"The Devil take me? Not for some considerable time, I trust."
—Dr.Phibes in DR. PHIBES RISES AGAIN